I see trust as like planting a seed. When you plant a seed in the garden, there [are] droughts that come, there are insects that come, so you have to tend the seed. But if you tend it, it wants to grow, and it will produce amazing things. — Jack Kornfield
Have you ever wondered what is the root of emotional healing? It is human connection. In fact, sharing an uncomfortable emotion with someone who responds with empathy and understanding is a healthy way to deal with it, as described in detail in Are you brave enough to feel vulnerable? What gives us the courage to tell our deepest truth and take the risk to be fully seen by someone? Trust. In fact, when we do not trust we build thick walls around our heart. Even though we want to protect ourselves by keeping everybody at distance, what we really end up doing is disconnecting not only from them, but also from ourselves. Trust is absolutely necessary to build authentic relationships and to feel that we belong.
Trust in Others
However, when it comes to sharing our truth with others, we must always be careful. How can we decide who is trustworthy? Of course, it is not safe to be vulnerable with anyone, especially when we share something very personal.
Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” — Brené Brown
How do we determine who has the privilege to hear our story?
In this short video Brené Brown talks about Marble Jar friends.
Do you want to know who your Marble Jar friends are? Then try the following. In your mind, picture each person you know holding an empty jar. Every time someone does something caring or demonstrates to be supporting, a marble goes inside their jar. When they behave disrespectfully or uncaring, a marble goes out. Over time you can decide whether a person is trustworthy or not just by counting how many marbles they have earned. The people whose jar is completely full are Your Marble Jar friends 🙂 I find this idea extremely powerful to visualize who earns the right to be trusted.
Is there at least a person in your life whose Marble Jar is full? 🙂
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. – William Shakespeare
Let’s go a little bit deeper now. What allows us to trust other people? Can you guess it? It’s trusting ourselves 🙂 Think about it. What we are really afraid of is not betrayal itself, but how we would feel, if it would happen… What if we would trust ourselves enough to know that we can handle the hurt, the fear and the shame that come with a betrayal? Would we be more willing to take the risk to be seen? If we want to fully trust someone else, first we need to build self-trust 🙂
Self-trust, Because It All Starts with You!
Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do. – Benjamin Spock
When we trust ourselves we are in our full power. We know that we are going to step up for ourselves every time it is needed and we feel deep down in our heart that no matter what comes our way, we are going to be ok. Since we are open to face all our emotions, we are able to overcome self-doubt and we are more willing to take risks.
Sounds good, right? 🙂 Is there something we can do to foster our self-trust? When self-love flows, self-trust blooms 🙂 In fact, when we love ourselves, we fully accept every part of us and we relate gently to it. Feeling safe in our own company allows us to open up and face all the feelings and thoughts we were repressing before, for fear of being judged by our inner-critic.
Are you currently struggling with self-love? For example, do you often judge yourself harshly? Do you compare yourself to other people and think you are less than? Do you repress your feelings or ideas to be accepted by others? If so, do not worry. Self-love can be cultivated. If you are wondering how, in How to Make Loving Yourself a Practice: Some Ideas to Help You Bloom Into Your Most Authentic Self you can find some suggestions 🙂
Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. — Golda Meir
Trust in Life and God
Life can be very hard at times. We might experience very dark emotions, feeling that they are too much for us to handle. How do we get through these uncertain times, when we feel overwhelmed and just want to give up? What if we have already tried everything that was in our power and we now feel desperate?
Something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart: a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor. ― Marianne Williamson
This is the moment when we need to surrender, let go of all our plans and strategies and trust that Something bigger will take care of us, even if everything seems to be working against us. Life, Universe, God, Beloved, Consciousness… it does not matter how you call It. It is the energy of love that flows within you. I deeply believe that reconnecting to It and cultivating a sense of trust in It is key to live a peaceful life. I will write more about surrendering in a future post.
I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it. — Mila Bron
If you want to learn more about trust, have a look at the book Trust: Mastering the Four Essential Trusts: Trust in Self, Trust in God, Trust in Others, Trust in Life, written by Iyanla Vanzant.
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